I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
