Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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