I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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