my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My vagina just clenched in fear
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