Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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