8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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