Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
