He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
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Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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