I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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