Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
