like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
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before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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