Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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