I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
