i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
