Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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