The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
