my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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