sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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