Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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