Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
