My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize