Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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