whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
