well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
