i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
