At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
