Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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