okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
