My hand turned me down
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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