Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My life is pants optional.
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