hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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