He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
where does the pee come out of this thing
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
