she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
