Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
