words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
