yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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