He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
