So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
