she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
