Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
