why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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