Plan B is the new Plan A
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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