I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Boobs speak an international language.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
