Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This is the high leading the old right now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
