found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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