was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
