MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
