I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
