Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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