If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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