Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
