Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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