hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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