Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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