So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It was a blind-side dick pic.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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