Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
