i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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