i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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