God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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