Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize