There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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