his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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