I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
