i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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