Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
