dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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