perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
