Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
