No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
