If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Two words: nipple clamps
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