is your mom at the bar?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
