I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
