and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You may now shotgun with the bride
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
