I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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